For the past 4 and 1/2 months, I have been extremely blessed to take my son with me to work everyday. He is loved on, passed around, played with. He attends my meetings, donor visits and makes the three hour round trip commute everyday. I cannot begin to express the thankfulness and gratitude to my boss and co-workers for allowing this opportunity. However, about a week or so ago I noticed that Theodore is starting to get bored at work. I'm unable to play with him on the level that he needs. I am unable to give him the extra attention and stimulation that he deserves. And I noticed about a week or so ago that my time bringing him to work with me is quickly coming to an end.
This put mamma into frantic mode. How can we cut expenses, how can I stay at home, How can we make extra money. Okay! I'll work evenings and weekends and we will cut everything (from our already cut budget) and make this work! Mine you readers, we don't have extras - no cable, work covers phone bill - we do have netflix (whoop!). Outside of that, we eat out ONCE a week and carpool to save on gas. We all know that child care is ridiculously expensive, but we are blessed in the fact that we have just BARELY enough (I'm talking maybe 10 extra a paycheck) for the cost of daycare.
This mamma still wasn't happy. He won't get the attention he deserves, he won't eat, he'll be left alone, he won't be loved on. Negative Negative Negative. Me - pushing all these assumptions on innocent individuals - judging them and the daycare setting before even giving it a chance. But no, I was determined to make this work, to keep him from this awful, awful thought of daycare. I mistakenly polled the facebook audience about my thoughts and was bombarded by mothers who had the option to stay at home, to spend time with their children. I was met with hostility towards the thought of leaving my son during the day to help provide for our family. In the midst of my tears a dear friend called and said that everything was going to be just fine - we are in similar situations and we are doing what we need to do in this moment in time. She said the Lord knows the plans for you and your son....
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? Matt 6:25-27
Then and there the Lord spoke to my stubborn and unyielding heart. I felt him asking me - Why do you doubt his safety? Why do you doubt the plan that I have for you in your current situation? Why do you not think that I will continue to take care of you and your family? Let me work in your life - your son will be fine, as he has always been.
I became very silent and began to feel His peace surrounding me. I began to realize that I was putting my priorities, my desire, my wants in front of letting God work in my current situation. I began to worship this other life I desired instead of being content and thankful for where I currently am. How we are foolish and broken people.
I prayed to the LORD, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears. Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. In my desperation I prayed, and the LORD listened; he saved me from all my troubles. For the angel of the LORD is a guard; he surrounds and defends all who fear him. Psalm 34:4-7
We are currently seeking daycare options. There are a few on the table and I ask that you pray for the best situation for our family. I am hoping to write more around this - to show how God is shining and working in our lives and current situation in hopes to remind other working moms and dads of the bigger picture. I pray that through this process other working moms and dads who have to leave their children during the day to provide for their family find peace with me in this journey. I am praying for you. I pray that those who are fortunate enough to stay at home would encourage and support those who are not able.
May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Romans 15:5-6
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